Teenagers. It’s a sentiment many parents use when they can’t explain new moods or behaviors their kids display as they grow more independent. One minute your teen may be overjoyed about a good grade on a test, and the very next minute crying about relationship drama.
“Teenage moodiness is common and a normal part of development,” said Kelsey Brocker, PsyD, a pediatric psychologist in Akron Children’s Lois and John Orr Family Behavioral Health Center. “Kids are often juggling a lot — family responsibilities, schoolwork and extracurriculars — all the while navigating social pressures, relationships and hormonal changes. Trying to manage and cope with all these stressors can lead to emotions changing like the weather.”
If your teen seems moodier or more agitated than normal, don’t be afraid to check in and ask, “How are you doing?” While understanding the root cause of these mood swings can be challenging, Dr. Brocker offers 4 common stressors that could be triggering your teen’s new behavior or disposition and ways to fuel a conversation to help them navigate it.
Common triggers for teen moodiness
Kids can put a lot of pressure on themselves to perform well in school, and parental influence can add to the stress, too. As teens get older, academics can become more challenging and demanding. Add to that a full schedule of sports, social activities and other extracurriculars and it can become overwhelming for teens.
“Trying to balance all this responsibility and figuring out where their priorities are can lead to teen moodiness,” said Dr. Brocker. “Teaching kids time management is the key to helping them not feel so overwhelmed.”
Show kids how to use a planner or phone reminders, and encourage them to schedule in homework time that stays relatively consistent throughout the week. It can help create a homework habit and force them to consistently carve out time each day to keep up on studies.
If you notice your teen can’t dedicate the right amount of time to all tasks at home, school and sports, talk about options like waking up earlier, reducing hours at practice or even taking a break from one or more activities.
Across the board, Dr. Brocker says, the best support we can give our kids is to be present, a good listener and to let them know their emotions are valid.
By the teen years, social relationships start to become a priority. They are beginning to explore romantic relationships and stronger bonds with peers, which can bring about increased drama and stress. Figuring out how to navigate a social world, and how to manage the ups and downs of it can be challenging.
“Parents have been through the ups and downs of relationships and can relate to kids on this level,” said Dr. Brocker. “Listen to your teen’s experience and go over possibilities to solve it. Include ways you found success in navigating similar social situations and reassure your teen you’re there to help her process the complexity of feelings she may be experiencing.”
In addition, discuss what a healthy relationship looks like — one that consists of trust, honesty, compassion, compromise and communication — and then model it. Believe it or not, your teen is watching.
Today’s teens are growing up in a difficult world, one that includes wars, extreme politics, mass shootings, dangerous infectious diseases and more. What’s worse, social media gives them broader access to information, pictures and videos on these world events, which can be traumatizing.
If you think events happening in your teen’s world are triggering moodiness, spark a conversation about it. Ask your teen what she knows to get a sense of her understanding of the events unfolding, as well as her questions and fears. Tune out television, radio and social media for a few days for a break in repetitive headlines, and keep a normal routine.
“You also can think of ways together your family can do something tangible, such as make a donation, or simply go out of your way to counter the bad with ‘random acts of kindness’,” said Dr. Brocker. “Volunteering or giving back is a great way to help teens feel better about their own situation and address feelings of sadness.”
While social media enables teens to stay connected with friends and family, it also can expose them to bullies and negative influences. Social media also can cause teens to compare themselves to others and wonder what’s wrong with them if they don’t line up.
“It can be challenging to be involved in this part of your teen’s life, but it’s important to keep an ongoing dialogue about social media to help you better understand what your teen is doing, seeing and sharing on social platforms,” said Dr. Brocker.
To spark a conversation, use questions to help lead your teen to discuss and sort through misinformation and often unrealistic things they see and hear on social media. You also can help teens by encouraging moderation and healthy social networking habits, such as:
- Limiting recreational screen time and ensuring teens maintain a healthy balance between social media and other important in-person activities.
- Establishing family rules and boundaries around social media use, such as Internet privacy and safety (i.e., disabling location services), parental monitoring and screen-free zones.
- Participating and following your teens — and their friends — on the platforms they’re using to see what’s being posted and what information they’re exposed to.
“Across the board, the best support we can give our kids is to be present, a good listener and to let them know their emotions are valid,” said Dr. Brocker. “It sets the foundation for teens to be comfortable coming to you for help in problem solving and coping with stressors, whether it’s a bad grade on a test, new crush, car accident or risky behavior they may have engaged in.”
If you notice your teen appears sad or angrier than usual, has changes in appetite or motivation, start a conversation with her. Adolescent health practitioners, primary care providers, school guidance counselors and church community leaders are some of the great resources parents can call on when trying to help their teen navigate emotions and support their mental well-being.
