Talk to your kids at age-appropriate levels when a tragedy happens, and help them process their feelings.
With smartphones, social media and the 24-hour news cycle, information flows nonstop. Teaching your children how to think critically about the world around them is a skill they can develop early and use their whole lives.
First, what is critical thinking? “It’s approaching information that is given to you in a mindful, thoughtful way,” said Chelsea Weyand, PsyD, pediatric psychologist and interim director of Psychology, Behavioral Health and NeuroBehavioral Health. “You recognize the emotional response you’re having to the information – but logical thinking ultimately kicks in. Using that ‘logical lens’ helps you to truly consider the information that’s being provided.”
Model the way for your children
Your kids will begin modeling you as early as ages 2-3, watching how you react and what you say. “As parents, we need to be mindful of our own reactions – whether it’s about something on the news or people who have different views,” Dr. Weyand said. “Kids will pick up on things we may not realize. If we’re not mindful, then we may be teaching them things that we don’t want to.”
Dr. Weyand recalls a situation when her own son overheard a conversation and took it to heart. “I had an emotional reaction to something I heard and told my husband we’re moving. It was not intended to be taken seriously,” she said. “My son was upset later in the day, and when I asked why, he said he was afraid we were moving. It was a learning moment for me because I thought he was oblivious to what was being talked about – and he clearly was not.”
Dr. Chelsea Weyand
Teaching critical thinking skills
Some parents are afraid to expose their 5-to-6-year-old children to scary or sad news because they think the kids cannot handle it. That’s a missed opportunity to model an appropriate reaction. “If something bad happens in the news, talk to your kids at an age-appropriate level about the tragedy and help them process what happened,” Dr. Weyand said. “For example, tell them you are very sad this is happening – and emphasize the people who are helpers. Give them a lens to understand we can be sad, but looking for the helpers can also bring us hope. This can be an early first lesson around bad news.”
For kids ages 8-10, identify your feeling and share your thought process if they see you have an emotional reaction, cry or get angry. “If there’s a tragic news story, like a plane crash or shooting, tell your child it makes you sad about the people who died,” Dr. Weyand recommended. “You won’t be sad forever, but you’re sad right now. Then ask how your child feels.”
With teenagers, Dr. Weyand recommends being more direct. “I have a teenager at home. What I’ve found is that I’ve started conversations by asking him what his friends are saying about a particular situation or news story,” she shared. “What’s interesting to me is the messaging teens are getting. Around ages 13-14, parental influence decreases – and external influences including friends and social media kick in a bit.”
Make conversation part of your routine
Talk to your kids, even if it’s as simple as asking about the best and worst parts of their day. “Think of communication like brushing your teeth,” Dr. Weyand said. “We prioritize brushing our teeth, and we fit it into our daily routine. I think prioritizing thoughtful, logical discussions with your children is something you can do daily.”
Whether at the dinner table, in the car or at bedtime, it’s important to communicate with your kids regularly.
When it comes to weaving time to talk into your routine, choose the setting that works best for your family. Dinnertime works for some families, but others avoid it because they don’t want to talk about topics that could be emotionally charged.
Another option is talking in the car. Kids may be more open to discussions because there’s a natural end when you arrive at the destination.
A third idea is talking to your child at bedtime, and it’s a good choice if your child worries. “This may seem counterintuitive – talking to your kids about their day right before they go to bed – but most will internalize their feelings if they can’t talk about them,” Dr. Weyand explained. “Touching base at the end of the day allows your kids to share their feelings, which will reduce the likelihood of nightmares and help them sleep better. You’ll help them process their feelings, and you’ll both benefit from spending quality time together.”
Learn more about talking to your kids and helping them feel safe after a public tragedy. If your child needs mental health help, the Lois and John Orr Family Behavioral Health Center can help.
