Nancy Carst, with a keepsake box, has been helping parents preserve memories and process grief for decades.
It’s difficult to say precisely how many lives Nancy Carst has touched during her career, but it’s a certainty that she has been the comforting presence for thousands of parents during the most difficult time imaginable – the time when a parent loses a child.
Nancy is retiring on Jan. 3 after 38 years, first as a social worker in Akron Children’s Showers Family Center for Childhood Cancer and Blood Disorders and then as one of the first employees hired in the Haslinger Family Pediatric Palliative Care Center when it opened in 2002. After being hired onto the palliative care team as a social worker, Nancy moved into the job that has defined her career – bereavement coordinator. At the time, she was one of only a few in the country to hold this title at a children’s hospital.
“Nancy has been the heart and soul of our palliative care team since the moment I met her, back when we were first pulling together our program,” said Dr. Sarah Friebert, the founder and long-time director of the Haslinger center. “When our center began, few people were familiar with palliative care, so I was thrilled that she was willing to make the leap from oncology social work to join our team. Her extensive experience at Children’s and in the community brought instant credibility and respect as we created something new. Over the years, Nancy has touched the lives of thousands and thousands of families, and her knowledge and wisdom have rippled out across the country and the world.”
Nancy received professional training in her field and was mentored by Jane Nichols, who pioneered bereavement counseling in Akron Children’s neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), but says she learned her most valuable lessons from the families she was tasked with helping.
“It’s a profound experience to lose a child, and it’s going to impact parents their whole lives,” she said. “They’re obviously going to go through many different processes – you start out with shock and are just trying to find your footing, but it’s always going to be part of your life.”
Everyone will approach that grief differently, and Nancy believed her role was to listen and to remind people that whatever they were experiencing was normal.
She often helped with funeral planning – no parent expects to outlive their child – and many struggle financially to have a service and burial.
“The experience of losing a child can affect your career, your life plan. You may think what I believed in before doesn’t feel like what I believe now,” she said, noting that it’s common for parents to look at life in different, even life-altering ways after losing a child.
Nancy Carst and Brittany Cogdeill, whose son passed away prematurely, sort copies of “Stories of Alchemy.” Brittany wrote a chapter in the book and copies were donated to give to families who lost a baby.
Memory Making
The Haslinger Center cares for children of all ages – newborns to young adults. One day Nancy might have been called quickly to the NICU to help a family losing a baby just hours old with little notice. The next day, she may have found herself sitting with the parents of a chronically-ill teenager she had known for years and watched slowly progress towards end of life.
“We don’t always have the luxury of time, of getting to know all of our families, but, if there is a loss, we reach out and offer our help,” she said.
In addition to funeral planning, Nancy offered parents the opportunity to make keepsakes. This includes three-dimensional hand and footprints of the infant or child in plaster, and fingerprints made into keychains and necklaces. It may be possible to capture the child’s heartbeat and preserve it with a favorite hymn or popular song. Nancy frequently arranged for the hospital’s photographers to take portraits of the children and their families.
Remembrance, Good Mourning
Nancy carried on the annual Remembrance Service held every December that Jane Nichols began.
Now in its 41st year, the service has moved from several locations, including two downtown churches, and some years has had attendance as high as 500 people. Now held at Goodyear Theater, the event, which allows parents to honor a lost child, still attracts several hundred in person and a sizable online audience as well.
“We have a parent speak about his or her journey, giving hope to other parents,” said Nancy. “Poems, reflections and music, including a song written and performed by Dr. David Karas are other highlights of the service.”
In 2004, when chaplain Karen Ballard joined Akron Children’s, Nancy assisted her in organizing “Good Mourning,” a grief support program for children who had lost a parent or other close relative. Twenty years later, the program is still filling a vital need.
The program is open to children throughout the community – with brochures going out to schools, funeral homes, pediatrician offices and mental health agencies.
The free classes – targeted to children from ages 5 to 18 in three separate age groups – begin with dinner and then have break-out activities for the adults and children. The curriculum uses art, music, writing, movement, and discussion to help family members process their grief.
“We usually start off by making memory boxes – shoe boxes decorated to honor their loved one – and it’s the foundation – whatever activities we do will fit into that box,” said Carst. “We had a girl at age nine come through the class when her sister died. She now has master’s degree in social work and, when she came back to do an internship here, she brought her box to show us how she kept it and how important it had been in her life.”
Nancy with Denise Zehner, who will be taking over her role.
Her ‘Goodness’ Won’t Be Retiring
Nancy plans in her retirement to mentor Kent State University social work students, do some volunteer activities, settle into a fitness routine and generally get out in nature more.
In January, Nancy will be receiving a lifetime achievement award from the National Association of Social Workers, Ohio Region 2.
“Wherever I go, whenever I mention where I’m from or where I work, inevitably someone asks if I know Nancy and asks to be remembered to her,” said Dr. Friebert. “Nancy and I have grown up together in this field – I have learned from her every day, and I frequently find myself trying to channel my inner Nancy to respond with grace and loving kindness in the face of suffering. I am so happy that she will have a chance to ride her bike, sleep in her own bed every night, and continue to spread her goodness and heart in whatever future endeavors she chooses to dedicate her time. I will miss Nancy’s gentle presence on a daily basis, but she will always be a central part of everything we do, and I am immensely grateful to her.”
A celebration of Nancy will be held on Dec. 11 from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. in Considine Professional Building rooms 1 & 2. Stop by to wish Nancy well in retirement!
